If you were here, we'd stand on the back porch and listen to the rain. We'd be leaning on the balcony wall, my right arm about six inches from your left.  We wouldn't say much for a while.

***

My parents are visiting.  Every day, I see them when I wake up. And just before I go to bed.  It's weird. I'm so used to being alone.

They're so proud of me. I never doubt this. It's obvious all the time, when they look at me, when they talk with me, when we laugh. The fact that they came across the planet to be with me, and that this is the second time. The way they trust me to lead them around everywhere. It feels very healthy and loving and I like it a lot. Being an adult kind of rocks.

Today we went to a mountain and walked around a garden on top. Then we came home, and the rain started just as we walked up to my apartment. It's a soft, gentle rain that happens every few days this time of year. The last typhoon was a couple of weeks ago. I kind of hope we get another before the padres go home.

***

I dunno, for the past while it's felt like Mormonism isn't that important to me anymore. I guess I'm getting comfortable with my disbelief. I guess I've reached a point where I can stop mourning the things I'm not getting from mormonism.

***

My parents know this, I'd tell you.

***

Can I say the worst is over without jinxing it? Because I think that in the future we might talk about beauty and truth instead of just mormonism.

Or not. I can't really say.